new family arrival

On Friday, we welcomed a new member of the family to the world.

Such small fingers, feet and such a lovely voice and face.
I sure hope, that the two older siblings will keep up their love for him and never cease to be good teachers for him.

I guess, the five year old is not really happy about it, being very rebellious and testing his borders with me in a very strict way.

The seven year old just was happy and did not want to part with the newly arrived little brother.

Today, they will come home, and start the new routine(s) with one more in the apartment.

A move will be in the very near future, since their present place is very crowded.
Pictures might follow, if I get some.

the "machine" we have in us ...

... what it can do best is thinking, fretting over things, making the illusions it constructs in our heads get real, it feels like it anyways, what feels?

why write that?

well .. hubs has bought a motorbike, he is out at the moment, doing a test ride after twenty years just pedalling or going by car.

He is gone almost an hour, should a test ride last that long?
well, he needed to get to the station for gas, and then, ... well, what then. Where does he go? will there be crazy people, endangering him?
Will he be O.k.? Do I hear the ambulance? what happened?!?

... You know where this leads to, yes?



... he came in this second, and in that moment, I realize, he had to bring the seller of the motor bike home. He might have done that right away, without coming up to me, telling me about it.


All the fretting, what was it worth?
I should have not needed it.
Unnecessary, why do we do stuff like that?

breathing is highly overrated

Having Asthma is a bummer, and you need to take medication every day to keep your lungs functioning as good as possible. Exercise is important, best be done in fresh air.
It is recommended to go jogging twice a week for half an hour.
Aerobic training is the key.

So ... what are you supposed to do in the season of flying around germs?
As a person with asthma
you better dont get a common cold.
It makes normal people feel miserable for a week.
They complain about how they "cant breathe" with that stuffed up nose, and how their chest hurts from all the coughing.

Now imagine how it feels for someone with asthma, where the bronchii will spasm with every cough, no air at all being able to go through when they do that,
and all chemicals (perfume, smoke from the apartment besides the one you are in, deodorant aerosols and so on), cold, damp air, exertion, cause coughing fits in addition to the ones, you have because of that cold.

The antiinflammation medication you need to inhale can not get to where the inflammation is because of the mucus, crap that is built up on the mucous membranes. You need to loosen it up and cough it out, and there the circle closes, that is hard to almost impossible when there are those spasms.

So a cold takes much longer to clear up for someone with several illnesses (comorbidities).

And why am I telling you all this?

well, around the first christmas holiday, I got this cold, and I really thought, I had stopped my sports training long enough to recover, so I went to yoga class again last Wednesday, and guess, what happened?

Here I sit, all drained, coughing my soul out, having a really nasty respiratory infection and hooray, doc said to me: "with all you have gone through due to the brain surgeries and with and all those allergies to the antibiotics I would give someone in your place, there is not really anything to do for you except telling you, you need to really rest up and do nothing else than giving your body the chance to heal that infection itself with help of homeopathics"

so lets hope, it works.
I remember in the past, when we went that route, a week after following all instructions I ended up with an antibiotic anyway.

So lay low I do, and live off of what is at home, untill my friend comes back to do the grocery shopping and all the other stuff that needs to be done.

a

A tentative start again?


we will see.

Not knowing who will read on after such aprupt and long lasting silence-

I miss so many things, and most so the naive eyes, I was seeing the world through.

Will there be trust again?
only time can tell, once more, only time.

well ..

... still indecisive what to do with this blog.

Just wanting to let my five followers know, I am still alive :-)
And swamped in Real life affairs.

internetstalking

abuse has so many facets.
One of them is, to troll other people, to feed off of their energy and strive in their efforts.

It is our choice, if we let it happen or not.

I did - unknowingly, gullable Aspie that I am - let someone do just that.

I do not care, if that troll reads this, or not, I want it public, that I have unmasked him and will not feed him any more.

He was so sneaky as to forewarn me, that he did find enough info to do what he started in the night from the 27. to the 28. of July 2010.

He was fed only once on the internet so far, and it will remain with that one incidence.

The message was blunt and short, and unmistakable, not ambiguous at all.

He has closed the door on himself and his plan hopefully does not work out.

Now to hope, he feeds no more, wrinkles up and fades away.

sleep lab, here I come ....

I was asking for a sleep lab investigation ever since my sleep patterns have started to be non present.
I am not willing to zonk myself out with any drowsy making meds and still wake up exhausted from a zombie like state of being switched off.

So I was referred from my new neuro to the Ear-Nose-Throat clinic in my favourite hospital.
I had to fill out a 7 page questionnaire and the doc was really relaxed with me.
He said, he has no idea why we should do the obstruction/snoring check, if I am not having any of those episodes.

So on the weekend of June 26. to 28.
I will be cyborgizized and can try to sleep in the lab.

It usually is around 3 am till I fall asleep and am awake around 8 again.
5 hours where I know from before the hemorrhage, that I needed 9 hours of sleep.
Being exhausted and feeling run over by a truck on a regular basis is just not the lifestyle I want to pursue.

So please wish me luck that they will find out what is doing this to me.
I have the initial talk with the sleep specialist tomorrow, and maybe, since we have three locations in the Mannheim hospital area, I can get into lab even earlier than that.

We will see.